


Through The Dark

by writingintheclouds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingintheclouds/pseuds/writingintheclouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People who self harm usually try to hide it and keep it all to themselves. But Louis is sick of pretending, sick of trying to convince himself that he’s fine. He finally seeks help and talks to Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through The Dark

It’s nothing spontaneous, in fact, he’s been thinking about talking to someone for a while now. This vicious cycle started when he was 15, before the X-Factor days. When he met the other boys and started to become more and more famous, he stopped harming himself because of several reasons. But still, there are times when he relapses and he wishes he would have someone to talk to about it. Someone who would distract him whenever he feels the urge to do something stupid, someone who would hold him and watch a movie and just simply be there for him.

Although it gives him temporary relief, the consequences are difficult to hide. First, it’s so annoying to wear bracelets whenever summer comes around. Second, the constant fear of someone finding out, although he’s good at hiding, there’s still this paranoia. And third, the fact that it only helps for a short amount of time and leaves scars for the rest of his life.

He honestly doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to hurt himself, doesn’t want to cut his wrist or thighs but there is no other way to cope. The pressure of the media, the stress, the disadvantages of being a celebrity. It’s a way to have control over his body, because he can’t control anything else in his life. Sometimes it seems to be the only way out of this hell, the only way to handle everything.

But, he has to change something. He wants to get better though there is not way that he can do that by himself. After years of lying and trying t convince himself that he has control over himself and his actions, he finally admitted it.

He is addicted to it.

And he needs help.

There is only one person that comes to his mind who wouldn’t find him disgusting or abnormal and that person is Harry. The other boys would probably urge him to seek professional help, but he doesn’t want that. He just wants someone to be there for him.  
So he decides to talk to Harry about it when he finds the right opportunity.

.  
.  
.

Two months later he finds himself sitting in his hotel room in Australia where they promote their new album. His phone tells him that it’s 11:34PM – the others are probably already sleeping.

And he mentally debates with himself whether or not he should give in to the urge of hurting himself or just go to Harry’s room and cry his eyes out because it’s just too fucking much. He doesn’t want to but there’s this unbearable urge to feel the pain. Five minutes later he finds himself in front of Harry’s door, knocking three times. When nothing happens he starts to head back to his own room, when suddenly the door opens and a sleepy Harry stands in front of him.

His hair is a mess, like always, and his eyes look so dozy that Louis immediately feels bad for waking him up. “Louis?” Harry’s voice sounds low. He rubs his eyes as if to make sure it’s really his friend. “’S everything fine?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis answers automatically and then curses himself. “Actually, no, no it’s not. Can I… can I come in?”

Harry nods and they both go in his room. Louis sits next to him on his bed. He doesn’t know how to start or what to say, so awkward silence fills the room. The younger boy looks at Louis with a questioning look on his face. “Um, so… what’s wrong?”

Louis hesitates because he feels nervous all of a sudden. This is the first time he’s going to say it out loud, and fuck, what if Harry calls him a freak or stupid, what if he reacts with disgust or is mad at him and shit, he can feel tears in his eyes and - “Why are you shaking?” Harry asks, concern in his voice. “Hey, Lou, look at me.” He gently touches Louis chin and forces him to look up.

And then Harry sees the unshed tears and suddenly he’s wide awake. “Oh God, what happened?”

Louis shakes his head, trying to calm himself. He hasn’t even said anything and is already crying. “There’s something I want to tell you,” he manages to bring out. He sounds so weak.  
Suddenly he feels strong arms hugging him tightly. “It’s alright, I’m here, there’s no need to cry,” Harry whispers softly and rubbes Louis back. “You know I hate it when people cry.”

“'M sorry,” Louis whimpers. “I- I just. Promise you won't hate me?”

“I could never hate you,” Harry says and leans back again to show Louis how serious he is. “We’re best friends, remember? Nothing’s going to change that.”

You’re wrong, Louis thinks but bites his tongue before saying anything. He can’t bring the words out, so he considers showing him. He’s so scared, so fucking scared that he looks down at his lap, still shaking a bit. When Harry gently murmurs, “Tell me, Lou…” he gathers his courage and lifts up his sleeves, revealing the faded scars, covered by the new cuts that are about to heal.

Harry’s confused for a second, then he looks down to Louis arms.“What are these?” He asks, totally oblivious. His eyes look so innocent and God, he has no idea, he genuinely doesn’t understand why there are cuts and scars on his wrist and it just makes Louis want to cry more.

“I did that.” Louis voice is barely a whisper. “Please, don’t make me say it.” He doesn’t dare to look at Harry because fuck, he’s scared of his reaction, scared of the look on his face that might be anger or disappointment or disgust. Or everything at the same time.

“You-” There’s shock in Harry’s voice and he’s taken aback. “You… hurt yourself…?” Now he sounds clearly pained and Louis looks up and sees his expression; sorrow, disbelief, concern all at once.

“But… why? Why now? How – How come I’ve never noticed this – does anyone know?” He stutters out.

Louis shakes his head. “You’re the first person I’ve ever told about this. I’m… good at hiding, y’know, wearing all those bracelets and make up and long sleeves.” Harry sits there, staring at the injuries on Louis wrist, not knowing what to say.

“I just needed someone to talk to,” Louis continues because the silence is too heavy. “Someone who knows what I’m dealing with because I don’t want to do this anymore, I want to get better but I can’t, I’m not strong enough. I need it,” Louis whimpers now and feels so incredibly pathetic. “I need it so much like the air to breathe and my eyes to see and it’s so sickening – I don’t – how am I supposed to stop, I’m fucking dependend, I need it, I-”

There are his strong arms again, wrapping around Louis waist and there’s Harry’s soft voice that says, “Shhh, Lou, it’s alright. Just breathe, okay? For God’s sake, just breathe.” And Louis gives in, buries his head in Harry’s neck, inhales his peerless smell and cries and sobs and lets Harry hold him and whisper lovely things in his ear until the pain in his chest fades away.

He doesn’t know how long they’re hugging each other like this, but over time, he realizes that Harry has actually started to sing, his voice so soft and filled with so much love that Louis feels tears in his eyes again, but this time, it’s not because of the sadness, it’s because Harry’s too sweet, too perfect and he doesn’t deserve a friend like him. “I wish that I could take you to the stars, I’d never let you fall and break your heart,” He sings and strokes Louis back, “and if you wanna cry or fall apart, I’ll be there to hold you...”

“I’m so sorry,” Louis sobs. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Harry answers immediately. “Don’t ever apologize for this, Louis. It’s not your fault.”

“But-”

“No but’s, do you hear me? We’ll get through this, together. I’ll be there for you even if you just need someone who holds you the whole fucking night, I won’t let you hurt yourself ever again.”

And Louis bursts out in tears again, this time because he’s so happy, so relieved.

Harry wipes his tears away and Louis realizes that Harry’s so close to his face that he can feel his warm breath and the familiar smell that he loves so much. But the thing is, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable, not at all, not even when Harry leans in and starts to kiss his tears away, although he knows that a line is being crossed, he doesn’t care, because it feels right and that’s all that matters. Harry’s lips are so soft and somehow they find their way to Louis lips. It tastes like love and heaven and sweetness.  
Harry whispers softly against his lips, “ _You will see it’s easy to be loved… I know you wanna be loved._ ”

It feels like Harry’s lips are made for Louis and they make him forget about all the pain and all the problems, they make him feel like he is finally complete.  
Louis thinks that perhaps some humans aren’t strong enough by themselves, maybe they need someone who helps them along the way, like the rope carries the anchor and refuses to let it sink.

And a voice inside of his head says that with Harry by his side he is strong enough.

.  
.  
.

End.


End file.
